You can read my previous posts here.
Bow’s Birth Story – Day 1
Bow’s Birth Story – Day 2

Day 3, Saturday the 26th September – Before The Epidural

At around 3am my contractions were coming fast and strong. The midwife said that she thought we would see a baby soon. Everyone started guessing what time our little man would arrive and the midwife guessed 5am. She got her delivery trolley set up and expected his arrival.

A short while later my legs could dance no more. I decided to kneel on the bed with my arms resting on the back. This meant that I could take the weight off but still be in a good position for labour.

I suddenly felt the need to push. This is where things went crazy!

A few days earlier my mother in law had told me that she delivered one of her babies in just two pushes. This didn’t seem possible after I had pushed for hours during Bob’s birth. I could only hope for something similar. I felt the need to push and I went with it. I closed my eyes and used my gas and air to help me.

All of a sudden the background music started to jump, as if the cd was scratched. Then the light in the room started to change. I had my eyes closed so the only difference I noticed was when the light through my eyelids changed from red to black. It seemed to happen in time with the jumping music. The time between changes came longer and the dark periods increased. During the light points I pushed during the darkness there was nothing. What my mother in law said made sense. It wasn’t that she only pushed twice it was that she blocked out the rest of her ordeal. I pushed as hard as I could and I felt my baby being born and his umbilical cord following. I was so relieved!

Then things became clearer. The music stopped jumping and the light became constant. I heard Emma say, ‘Charlotte, listen to your midwife!’ I then heard my midwife tell Emma to turn the music off so that I could hear her. I was confused by this as I wasn’t sure why I would need to listen to her. Surely the job was done. I turned to look at my midwife and asked her if everything was alright. I asked her if my baby boy had been born. She told me that he hadn’t but that it wouldn’t be long. I was so confused! I had just delivered my baby boy! I had felt him being born!

Before I had time to make sense of the situation the next contraction started. Everything started to replay. I heard Emma tell me to listen to my midwife and Michael asked me if I would like a drink. Then the light started changing again. This time there was a little less darkness and again I thought that I had delivered my baby. When things started to clear I knew it wasn’t so. I started to get upset.

Every contraction the events in the room replayed and each time there was a little less darkness and another stage of the labour process occurred. Emma told me to listen to my midwife, Michael asked me if I would like a drink, my midwife told me to breath, the student told me I was doing really well, and so on. There would then be darkness up until the part when my baby was born. 

I tried to make sense of the hallucinations and I convinced myself that this was how normal labour progressed. Each time you dealt with a little bit more of the process. Dealing with each step was easier than dealing with the whole thing as it eased people in gently. I thought that when the whole event played out clearly that would be when I would deliver my baby.
With each replay I became more anxious. I wasn’t sure I could take it. Even though I now knew that it wasn’t real it felt like it was actually happening. Between contractions I started to remember Bob’s birth and I worried that the same thing would happen again. I asked my midwife if she would check to make sure I had dialated properly. She said she didn’t think that she needed to as she could tell my labour had progressed but she could see how upset I was so she agreed. I was only 4cm!

I began to panic! I knew that history was going to repeat itself! My body obviously didn’t dialate properly! I started to regret not booking in for a Caesarian when I had the chance. I explained to my midwife what happened last time and I asked her if I could have a Caesarian. I knew that I would have to end up having one anyway. She told me that I wouldn’t need to have one and tried to put my mind at rest.

Last time I would have had a section if it had not been to late to have an epidural. I was not going to let that happen again! I asked for an epidural. My midwife tried to talk me out of it. She said I was doing really well and that I didn’t need one. Although I could have continued without one I was so worried about history repeating itself. I was panicking so much that my midwife agreed but she said it would take a while for them to contact the anethetist and another 20 minutes to set up the epidural. I think that she was hoping that I would change my mind in that time.

The contractions continued as did the hallucinations. By now a lot of my labour had replaced the darkness. Sometimes I gave birth naturally, sometimes I had a Caesarian after an epidural and sometimes I had an emergency c section. Each outcome felt so real! I felt my baby being born. I felt the relieving affects of the epidural and saw myself being wheeled into theatre. I felt myself giving in to the affects of the anaesthetic and opened my eyes expecting to see Michael holding our baby only to realise that the anaesthetist hadn’t even arrived yet. It was awful. Every hallucination felt so real but as soon as it ended I knew that it wasn’t. It was so upsetting.

Eventually the anaesthetist arrived. He gave me the epidural and, as there was no longer a need for the gas and air, the hallucinations stopped.

Bow’s Birth Story – Day 3, Part 2

 Posted by Charlotte on January 20, 2016 Pregnancy & Childbirth  Add comments

  22 Responses to “Bow’s Birth Story – Day 3, Part 1”


    I’m getting all emotional remembering , thank goodness this story has a happy ending xxxxx


    What an awful, weird experience to go through. I’m so glad things worked out for you. I couldn’t imagine gong through that experience x


    Oh my goodness this is a saga! So pleased you got through it and what a wonderful baby you had at the end xx


    Thank goodness we Mums forget all the birthing bit as soon as our beautiful new little babes are placed in our arms! 🙂


    Oh gosh – this brought back so many memories – with my second baby I hallucinated that the Tweenies were with me – and with Pickle, my fourth baby, I hallucinated that my beloved pet cat was with me! Great post 🙂 Kaz x


    Oh gosh what a lot to be going through for you, over time this will get blocked out and your won’t remember it so much. Heres a hug x


    Crikey, those hallucinations sound bonkers!! I’m looking forward to hearing the next installment now x


    Oh gosh, what an experience! These things make us stronger, thank you for sharing your story! x


    Oh bless you! Looking forward to reading part 4 lovely


    Looks like you went through the wars! I’d love to know what happens next xx


    Wow, what an experience you went through. Glad to see everything was okay in the end though. Gas and air is such a weird thing, it made me view everything in slow motion x


    Oh my goodness! I can’t imagine how frustrating that must have been for you. I hope everything worked out well in the end, im looking forward to hearing the next part! Xx


    That is so scary, I can not imagine having such vivid visions. Glad the epi worked, it did nothing for me but i am interlorant to Anesthesia x


    I had an epidural. It was hard work giving birth to my child too and not a good memory.


    This is going to be one of those posts that you read back on when you’re old and wrinkly. You sort of forget child birth and all the drama surrounding it quite soon after, well I did anyway. My minds way of blocking the awful bits I suppose


    Oh goodness this was emotional, I love how much detail you go into. It really is a story! So glad everything turned out okay. So scary. Will look forward to what comes next x


    Oh wow what a birth story, those hallucinations sound awful. I’m looking forward to reading the next part x


    Oh my goodness that must have been so scary having those hallucinations! Especially as I can imagine during labour with gas and air on the go you cant explain whats going on properly! x

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