Dec 032015

Mummy guilt is the worst feeling ever! 

Before Bow came along I didn’t experience this feeling very often. We gave Bob everything we could and always did what was best for her. Now I have two babies it is impossible to always do the best for both of them. Last week Bob was excited to go and see the lights being switched on in our village. Father Christmas was going to be there and she had been looking forward to it. 

When the time came to leave it was throwing it down with rain! Bow was in his carrier as I couldn’t face the screaming that comes with his pram. I felt terrible dragging him out in the awful weather! I tried to convince Bob that we could go somewhere nice the next day and see Father Christmas but she really wanted to go. 

Luckily we weren’t there very long as our village isn’t very big but I still felt awful! I am regularly faced with situations where it is impossible to do the best for both my babies. One of them has to suffer and it’s awful! 

Yesterday Bow had his first set of immunisations. They were already over a week late as I struggled to get an appointment. Bob was off school as she isn’t very well and I felt terrible about having to drag her out when she was ill. I rang the doctors to try and rearrange Bow’s appointment but the next one they could give me was the 18th of December. His second lot of vaccinations would be due then so I knew we couldn’t leave it that long.

I felt like the worst mummy in the world taking Bob out when we should have been at home snuggling on the settee. She did really well and was a big help to me but I still felt awful! 

Now that I have two babies and there is four years between them it is impossible to do the best for both of them. I end up having to choose and it is a horrible feeling! For the last four years we have always done the best for Bob and now I want to do the best for both my babies. My children will always come first but now, on several occasions, one of them has to come second. I hate it! 

 Posted by Charlotte on December 3, 2015 Being a Mother  Add comments

  20 Responses to “Mummy Guilt”


    I hate it too. It has definitely gotten easier as my second has grown. She has always been a bit harder work than my first was and it was so hard to coordinate and well still is sometimes. The wee man has been great though which helps!


    I could have written this myself, word for word. I never thought about the juggling act between them and the age difference means that Z always wants to do something really exciting most of the time and the weather is so awful right now that i know it’s not the best for E so I end up trying to put him off till his Dad’s back from work. Then I worry I’m going to become the boring mum that he never goes to anymore or he’s just going to be upset at the lack of attention. I think eventually we’ll find the right groove and balance. I hope!


      I worry about that too! If Bob is unsettled in the night Michael usually goes to her as I am usually busy with Bow. She now wakes up and shouts Daddy. She always used to shout Mummy. 🙁 Someone commented on Facebook about the positives of the age gap and it’s really lovely. Makes you see another side. May have to copy and paste it into here. xx


    I think it gets easier as they get older, and the fact that you are feeling guilty about this, shows what an amazingly caring parent you are.


    I’m just experiencing this for the first time… It’s awful! Especially as your first-born has had so much attention and then (in my case) the second gets put in a swing in the corner. But I think the children won’t see it that way at all, you just have to do the best you can, as you’re doing.


    it’s horrible isn’t it? I have three kids and when they are all wanting or needing different things, it’s hard to choose which to do first


    Aww it must be a nightmare trying to make sure both are happy – you can only do your best though and that is everything. x


    Aw hun don’t get upset from the sounds of it you have done your best by both your children and that is all you can do. Don’t beat yourself about it because you are a great mother and sometimes you do need to make difficult choices!


    Ah I know what you mean. I am torn between my kids half the time.


    I am sure you are doing the very best that you can, no one can ask for more x


    I am the same as you.
    With Hayden I didn’t feel it so very much.
    I’m not sure how I would feel with two babies but I hope it doesn’t hang over you too badly.
    Charlotte x


    Mummy guilt really is the worst feeling. We can only do our best, and try and lessen the impact on the other children when things are out of our control x


    It is a hard adjustment but on the other side of things I think it is actually good for them to learn to put other people first sometimes. So don’t feel bad!


    We all feel like this when we have multiple children. Just remember that you can only do your best and that you are a fantastic mom xx


    I am always feeling guilty about something or other – I think it is inbuilt in us mums! Kaz x


    It must be such a nightmare trying to make sure everyone is happy and that but its so hard to do the right thing for everyone at the same time, sometimes something has to give. Don’t feel guilty though, its life xxxx

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