Do you ever feel that, now you have become a Mum, you have lost who you really are?

Bob is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can’t imagine my life without her! We have much more fun and my life has a bigger purpose since she came along. Sometimes though, it seems like I am nothing but a Mummy.

We went to a wedding last weekend and my husband took Bob out for a couple of hours, in the morning, to give me time to get ready. This is a rarity and it felt lovely! I managed to do my nails and my hair in peace. (My make up was done with Bob trying to eat my lipstick and steal my concealer but you can’t have everything!) 😉 I had found a lovely dress, which was in the sale (even better). It was red, it had a chiffon top layer and it fit me beautifully. I put it on, along with my new nude shoes and bag and I looked in the mirror. I was quite happy with what I saw, thanks to my Bridget Jones pants!

We arrived at the wedding and Bob wanted to walk. As I was wearing heals I had to bend lower than usual to hold her hand and, as it was windy, this was not the best position to be in! An unfortunate gust lifted my dress and my unsexy pants were shown to the unsuspecting guests. Great start!

I had never realised this before but being a Mum means that you have a lot more Velcro in your life. Most of Bob’s shoes and the nappy bag have Velcro fastenings. I learnt a very valuable lesson on Saturday. Chiffon and Velcro do not mix! Every time I picked Bob up the Velcro on her shoes pulled my dress. I also managed to get my tights stuck on the nappy bag at one stage. Add to this the drool patch on my shoulder and the stain on my skirt and I was glad that I didn’t have a mirror!

Bob did not want to stay still for long. She was happy to run around and collect daisies. My husband and I didn’t spend any time together as one of us was constantly chasing her around the grass. Not easy in heels!

When the meal started, Bob became tired. We manage to get her to go to sleep but she only had 20 minutes. She awoke very upset and over tired. We tried to settle her but, after a while, I could see that it wasn’t going to work. I decided that it was best to take her home. Then I could get her settled and we wouldn’t disturb the wedding.

I came home, got us both ready for bed and cuddled my little girl. I would give up anything for her! Losing a dress, a pair of tights and having to leave early were all small sacrifices. I’m a Mummy now and that is the most important job in the world!

My only worry is that I have lost myself. Sometimes I feel that I am a Mummy and nothing more. This worries me, as Bob will not always need me as much as she needs me now. As she grows and gains independence, will I become nothing? I am wondering if this is just because she is little. Have you ever felt like this? If so, did the feeling pass?

As time passes will my former self return, or am I gone forever?

 Posted by Charlotte on July 8, 2012 Being a Mother  Add comments

  11 Responses to “When You Become A Mum, Do You Lose Yourself?”


    Luckily mine was in the sale too! I’m at another wedding on Saturday and was hoping to wear it again. Luckily I found another one in the sale. Both were half price so my crazy logic says that I have only bought one dress! ;0) x


    I know how you mean. I LOVE being a mummy, and feel so comfortable in the label but like you fear I’ll grow “unneeded” as time passes. I worry I’ll sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting while my beautiful girl grabs life by two hands and doesn’t require or even always want me to be there constantly. I guess that is where mummy friends come in useful….form an afternoon wine club?! x


    I would imagine most mummies have feelings like this, I know I do. And it is easy to be absorbed in your role of mum when they are so little and needy. I do still feel like the original me is still in there. She comes out to play once in a while and I like it, but I wouldn’t not be a mummy for anything. Your priorities just change when you have a little person to look after, because their needs become more pressing and more important than your own. X


      I think I need to allow myself time to come out. As Bob gets older I am sure I will get better at me time. Feel so guilty at the moment. I know it’s silly. x


    Social gatherings and special occasions have certainly changed but I enjoy the excuse of usually not bothering with high heels! I am trying to now see being a mum as another part of me that was always there but I just did not use it. Rather than having lost any of the old me this is just a bigger and better me. I try to focus on the other parts of me by time out with things I enjoy doing, a good book, an hour at the gym, a nice meal with hubby at the table having a real conversation and a cold pint of beer (the hard part is to learn not to feel guilty about it…still working on that!!!)


    I do think that things get better….it really is just a phase, I think, or is it just that we get used to it?! Mine are all fairly independent now but it’s difficult to even remember life BC (Before Children)!


    I feel like this a lot of the time. I often wonder what on earth I would be doing if I didn’t have Alex though…and I wouldn’t change things for the world like you say. I guess you must just get back to being something else as well as a Mum when you have more time!

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